The Office

I am a pretty big "Office" fan. So, I wanted to entertain you with some quotes from the show. Hope you enjoy!

Jim Halpert: "So apparently Pam went out last night. And accidentally called my work phone at three in the morning, so...I'm on minute six of this message. [hangs up phone] The future mother of my children."
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Jim Halpert: "Oh I can't go today because...I'm giving blood."
Michael Scott: "How often can you actually donate blood?"
Jim Halpert: "Is there a limit?"
Michael Scott: "Your body only has a certain amount."
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Michael Scott: [bringing in steaks] "Who wants some man meat?"
Dwight Schrute: "I do. I want some man meat."
Jim Halpert: "Michael, Dwight would like your man meat."
Michael Scott: "Well then my man meat, he shall have."
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Toby: “Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's, uh, you know. There's gambling and alcohol... And it's in our dangerous warehouse. And it's a school night. And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know. Is that- is that enough? Should I keep going?”
Michael Scott: “Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”
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Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief. Since, apparently, it doesn't exist, I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert: Whoa, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That's a dog.
Pam Beesly: No, that's Afghan.
Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
Dwight Schrute: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael Scott: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistanannis.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No, no. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
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Pam Beesly: [to Roy] Come on it'll be fun. And besides, I'm a roulette expert.
Dwight Schrute: Impossible. Roulette is not a game of skill, it is a game of chance.
Jim Halpert: I could always kind of win at roulette.
Dwight Schrute: Oh really. Mm-hmm, how would you do that?
Jim Halpert: Mind-control.
Dwight Schrute: Please, you can't be serious. Are you serious?
Jim Halpert: Ever since I was a little kid, like 8 or 9, I could sorta control things with my mind. Dwight Schrute: I don't believe you. Continue.
Jim Halpert: It was just little things, you know? Like I could make some things shake or I could make a marble fall off a counter, you know just, little things.
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] That's ridiculous. You know what? Uh, why don't you move that coat rack? Excuse me, everyone, attention in the office please. Jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence. Go ahead.
Jim Halpert: Okay, I'll try.
[Pam moves coat rack with umbrella]
Dwight Scrute : Oh my God.
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Jim Halpert: Excuse me, how long is the wait for a table for two?
Dwight Schrute: I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years
Pam Beesly: It's a nice tux.
Dwight Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it so... family heirloom.
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Jim Halpert: This came out really well. There you go. [hands Dwight his new ID]
Dwight Schrute: This is humongous, I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
Jim Halpert: What did I write?
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Dwight Schrute: I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night.
Ryan: I go to... a lot of parties.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, I'm going to need to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight Schrute: Don't make me do this the hard way.
Ryan: What's the hard way?
Dwight Schrute: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer - I know several - what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan: Yeah, let's do it that way.
(Episode: Drug Testing)
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Jim Halpert: I'm just saying that you can't be sure it wasn't you.
Dwight Shrute: That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me.
Jim Halpert: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember.
Dwight Shrute: I would remember.
Jim Halpert: Well, how could you if it just erased your memory?
Dwight Shrute: That's not how it works!
Jim Halpert: Now how do you know how it works?
Dwight Shrute: Knock it off, okay? I'm interviewing you!
Jim Halpert: No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here! Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke? [Dwight looks shocked]
(Episode: Drug Testing)
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Dwight Schrute: Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist. Because, I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
(Episode: Michael's Birthday)
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Michael: I'm like Superman and the people who work here are like the citizens of Gotham City. Jim and Dwight: That's Batman.
Michael: Okay, fine, I'll be Aquaman. Where does he live?
Jim: The ocean.
Michael: I work with a bunch of nerds!
(Episode: Daughter to Work Day)
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Jim Halpert: Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--
Jim Halpert: Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... What is going on?! What are you doing?!



...to be continued